What The Hell Is a Manly Man?

In my online dating adventures, I’ve had to read a ton of profiles. Most say the same things – the person is cute, funny, honest and is looking for someone who is the same. Since everyone says the same things about themselves, you’d think it would be a simple matter to find someone of like mind.

However, a lot of the profiles ask for a ‘manly man’.

I have no idea what the hell that even means. Do they mean the 50’s guy? Do they mean the mechanically inclined dude? Or the guy who doesn’t show any emotion because it might make him look like a pansy?

So because I don’t like tearing apart cars and stuff, does that make me less ‘manly’? And who comes up with the standard of what’s considered manly and what isn’t?

There are a ton of articles and blog posts about stereotyping women. I read one recently about how people shouldn’t use pet names if they don’t know you because it implies misogyny.

Now, in certain circumstances I’d agree. I saw a well-to-do guy say to a secretary the other day that, ‘Honey, it’s just business’. He dripped condescension. You could tell by his body language and tone that he thought she was beneath him, and I think it a fair bet that had a lot to do with her being a woman. I doubt he would have been speaking that way had she been a man.

So I get that, but women can be just as guilty. Lots of women call me pet names in a non-condescending manner.

For example, I get called honey, dear, baby, love and all sorts of other names by women. They don’t know me from Adam, but it’s just a term and nothing to get bent out of shape about. I don’t care if they want to call me those things.

However, you can use those same terms using a tone that I would mind – same as a man can when addressing a woman.

Telling people you want a ‘manly man’ is both meaningless and forces a stereotype on men.

Instead of typing such drivel, why not tell people what you really want in a man. If you’re attracted to men who know a thing or two about mechanics, then by God say that.

Just say it! Stop beating around the bush and making us guess what it is you find manly.




  1. You’re right, ive seen that a lot, and like you have no idea what that means. When I hear the phrase I see a something that looks like a wood cutter in Little Red Riding Hood in a plaid shirt and three day growth of beard over his entire body.

    Someone who spits a lot and grunts.

    I know where it comes from, I think. In the 60s there were commercials where the woman would pine for a ‘manly man” to wear either English Leather or Old Spice.

  2. I agree totally. I think EVERYONE is just as guilty of stereotypes, regardless of gender or any differences. A lot of people NEVER specify what they want; they list off something that people have expectations for, like a ‘manly man’ – which is a ridiculous term.

  3. Oh man! Online dating adventure stories! I have a boat load, and honestly those were hard times for me. I am glad you have support during it. Where do you live? I am asking because I am in the DC area, and online dating here was super intimidating. I am not kidding when I say that their profiles are resumes. Talk about having it all! These men have money, degrees, are well traveled, and all that. BUT, the biggest thing I found is they are not relationship ready even though they say they are. That was my biggest roadblock.
    Second, in this area a manly man is different. There are many metro-sexual men here. And, that would not pass a girls standard of that, but they are still the total package. What I am saying is it really depends on location. Here, alternative lifestyles are nothing to us, but we also realize that 99% of the country is not like this area.
    Have you done any meet ups? Those are so fun, and great places to meet people. Also, the gym. I never treat it as a place just to go to find dates, but there are some really great people there. Its how I met my boyfriend. He was my personal trainer. Haha. Its not that cliche as it sounds, we are both older!
    My years of dating are nothing I look back on with fondness. However, I may have contributed to that also. As you can tell I have a lot to say about it. It was hard, but for some people they love dating!
    Good luck!
    Keep us posted!

  4. I’m not seeing many manly posts here. Anyway, I better slam down this beer so I can finish fixing my truck before I head off camping. I figure I will chop down a 100 foot tree with my pocket knife for firewood and kill a salt water crocodile with my bare hands for dinner. I just need to pack my swag and silk boxer shorts.

  5. I’m actually completely turned off by the stereotype of a “manly man.” I’m more in favor of other characteristics that are more important. I mean it’s always nice if someone in the relationship is mechanically inclined, but that’s just for convenience. It’s always cheaper to fix a car yourself than to take it to a mechanic, for example, but that’s hardly what I would consider dating criteria.

  6. Manly man? I would have given christ as the example until recently, but then again… 33 yrs old, probably living still at home or bumming on friends couches. No job or income other than mooching, not even a girlfriend to pathetically wait in the wings till he’s ready to commit to a family, and the one thing he wants to do… ie save the world and be the Jewish messiah of the ot prophets and reclaim the kingdom from Roman rule? Well, we know how that worked out. His buddies had to rewrite the whole meaning of messiah and pretend he’s still alive somewhere. No.. he’s not imaginary, he’s just invisible and undetectable.

    So no. Christ would no longer be my view of manly man. Not honest enough anymore.

  7. Take it from a woman, this is the male standard for what a “manly man” should be. It’s an unrealistic, cartoon stereotype that most men can’t or wouldn’t want to live up to; what’s wrong with just being HUMAN?

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