Since my breakup, I sometimes feel as if I’m drowning. There are so many things to do, so many things to worry about, so many new changes, and so many feelings that keep trying to bubble to the surface.
Every day I have a low-grade headache. It feels like it’s radiating from the top of my head and coursing downward into my neck. I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything, besides finding something to take my mind off the present. I’ve been reading more, and trying hard to resist the urge to fall into my PS4 and live through gaming. Instead, I’ve been trying to read, write and learn more.
The one good thing that has come from it is the motivation to hit the gym more often. I find it helps with the headaches, and it definitely helps me sleep at night. It also provides a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Last week I went every day. Over the course of 5 days, I lost a total of 4 pounds, which surprised me, although it probably shouldn’t have.
And I do so enjoy the hot tub, pool and sauna afterwards. So relaxing!
Yesterday I added more stress to the pile. I had to buy a bed. I got a fairly good deal on a new double bed. With taxes, frame, mattress, box-spring, warranty, delivery and new sheets, it came to $610. I didn’t want to spend that kind of cash, but I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping on a used mattress.
So I’ve basically got many of the things I’ll need to live. I still have to worry about some of the small things, like utensils, mop, broom, cleaning supplies and all that good stuff we usually take for granted and replace slowly as they run or wear out, but overall, I think I’m getting closer to independence.
Next week I’ll be on holidays. I originally booked it so I could take a nice trip with the significant other, but now I’ll try to use it to coax out some of the stress and clean up some of the things (like bank accounts) that are weighing on my mind at the moment. I think I need it to clear my head a little as well.
While I enjoy my job immensely, I feel as if this feeling will start to affect my performance at some point. Already I feel a bit of anxiety whenever work time rolls around again, but at least I know after one week, I’ll get a bit of a break. It’s nice because labor day will get me an extra day of rest.
The other thing that worries me is that her girls come home from summer holidays soon. I have no idea how they’re going to take the news. We’ve agreed to hold off telling them until closer to my move out date of October 1st, but they’re perceptive girls and I think they’ll probably figure out something is wrong before then.
That could make for a month or so of uncomfortable living.
After the first few days of my holidays, I think I’ll make the roadie down to my moms and spend the night. Our first talk about the break up didn’t go so well, but I could use a night away.
Well, dear reader, sorry for this rambling post. I guess I’m using this blog as a bit of a way to work through my feelings. I understand it’s probably a bit boring to anyone who is reading it. If you’ve made it this far, I salute you.