Single Again

Baby Dexter
Baby Dexter

Baby Dexter

It’s been a bad week for me. I’m single once again, and I don’t usually write about super-personal things on this blog, but screw it…I feel like writing about it.

The other day the ‘wife’ (she’s actually my common-law partner) and I had a talk about breaking up. She’s been pushing me to get married and it’s just not something I want to do. When we first got together, I was up front about not wanting to get married and she felt the same way then. Apparently, she now feels differently.

I don’t blame her. People change and three years ago, she didn’t want to marry but now she does. Of course, as with any relationship, marriage isn’t the only reason. There are a myriad of small things she probably wishes she could change about me and along with the marriage question, those things begin to eat away at you.

I’m sorry it had to go down this way. To be honest, it makes me feel sorry for myself. It seems I can get relationships to last a long time, but the ‘end-game’ is beyond me.

I often wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyhow, I put the last months rent down on a place two days ago. It’s a nice place and Dexter is going to love it. I have the bottom portion of a house, and we share an enormous backyard. Where I live now, Dexter doesn’t have much of a yard. It’s just a space for him to do his business, but he goes out on a chain.

The new place has a fenced in yard with a fire pit. It’s amazing.

Thanks for the last 3 years

Thanks for the last 3 years

Financially, things are going to be super tight for me. At least for a few months anyways. Neither of us expected this to happen and last months rent and paying off our debts together has drained the resources we had.

It’s an amicable breakup. For that I’m thankful. We aren’t yelling or screaming at one another, and we still get along great. She offered to leave, but since she has two kids to look after, it doesn’t make any sense for her to have to find a new place. It’s much easier for me to move, since I only have Dexter to look after.

She’s agreed to let me stay till October 1st which gives me a month and a half to pull things together.

I wish her the best of luck, and I’ve offered to help her in any way possible. She’s a good woman and anyone would be lucky to have her. I hope we can remain friends once I move into my new place.

I’m not easy to live with. I know this. I’m stubborn, thoughtless at times and I can be lazy. It’s going to be a tough couple of months for me, and probably for her as well.

It’s been a good run. I guess it’s time for me to buckle down and pull my crap together.

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60 Comments

  1. ‘m sorry that you are having a tough time now. Writing about your feelings is really healthy though, as is feeling loss and grief. Endings are never easy. Wishing you the best on the road ahead. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

  2. Sorry to hear about your rough time. Break ups are never easy but at least you are breaking up amicably. For what it’s worth, I respect you for staying true to yourself, even if that means making this tough choice.

    Lots of luck to the both of you!

    • I’ve never understood the need to make it uncivil. I’d rather part ways with dignity. We’re both adults and I have no wish to cause her pain and she no wish to do the same to me. It wasn’t about anger. It was more about what we each want out of life and I feel we came to a branch in the road. Unfortunately, we both decided to take separate branches.

  3. I am very sorry too. I am glad that its an amicable split.

    You seem really nice and I do not think there is anything wrong with you. The fact that you have nice things to say about her, means she is a great person too….it is just things didn’t work out. No one’s fault. (((hugs)))

  4. It felt wrong to like this post. I can only imagine how you must feel, I have never been there. I married young and we will celebrate 33 years next year. There were times when I wanted to slap him, there were times when we didn’t talk for weeks. Marriage is a contract – at least in my eyes – it’s a contract to work on it. Relationships are hard work. You have to want it, you have to want to make it work. I am lucky, I am married to my best friend. I like him, even on days when he drives me crazy.

    If it doesn’t feel right, then most like it isn’t right. Move out, move on…don’t question yourself too much. Finding Mr. or Mrs.Right seems to be hard these days. I have been very lucky (or was he the lucky one?)

  5. Not everyone is marriage material, nor should they feel as if something is wrong with them if they aren’t. And from what I see of a lot of marriages, most people probably would be better off just visiting one another, invitation only.
    I think what she and you did is good, it will keep a friendship if not a relationship, and that’s what counts.

    And your honesty is rare, and striking.

    What sally said. (((hugs)))

  6. I can’t bring myself to press ‘Like,’ because there’s nothing about breakups (amiable or not) that I like.

    In lieu of prayer, I’d be willing to sacrifice a chicken for you. (It’s almost lunchtime anyway)

  7. Sorry to hear about this. I’ve been in similar spots. Earlier this year in a four-day period I learned that one of my oldest friends had just died, I broke up with the GF (who I loved), and one of my closest friends called to tell me he was dying of pancreatic cancer.

    There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just the human condition. Given time, things should start looking better.

  8. I’m happy for you, GC, and I don’t mean to sound insensitive because I understand how hard it is to part ways. Life is about seasons and I think you both did the honorable thing — being true to yourselves — and moving on. I wish you both all the best on your new journey. Being single definitely has its perks. 😉

  9. This is just my humble opinion, but I do not understand why some women leave relationships because of men not wanting to marry. Marriage is just a very expensive way of making a union legal. I told my boyfriend that’s something I don’t need, nor am I willing to pay a lot of money for a party. I think marriage is for more religious people who think it’s a oath to god.
    A ring and a expensive party wouldn’t make me leave my man.

    As for your faults, we all have them, it’s just finding someone who is willing to deal with them and not change you.

    Good luck to you! I am so sorry for the bad news.

  10. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch GC. I know you will get through it. I also think it’s wonderful that the two of you are working it out in such a great way. She sure is a lovely lady, but if that is how you feel, then good for you. You should do what makes you happy and if you can’t give her what she wants, nobody is going to be happy.

    You hang in there and give Dexter a big hug from me. 😀

  11. I guess this is where people tell you there is plenty more fish in the sea. I personally hate seafood… and I can’t see anything good coming out of dating marine life. But chin up soldier, maybe you can explore religion from a new angle, maybe start by dating a scientologist.

    I’d love to hear a few atheist thoughts on marriage. I had to get a mail order bride, so it was just a formality for me.

  12. Sorry to hear about your break up. I’m glad that you have still remained friends though. So many people swing the other way and soon they are caught in a screaming contest that neither side is going to win. Remember that everything happens for a reason, and i’m rooting for you to come out the other side relatively unscathed 🙂

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