Breaking News: When You Lie To People, They May Get Irritated

Lie_to_Me_black_and_white_by_Shade_KThe dating website, Tinder, recently conducted a ‘social experiment’ where a man and a woman posted dating profiles using photos that showed them to be slim. They then put on ‘fat suits’ before meeting the people who answered the ad, and at least one writer was offended when the people answering the ad were annoyed when they found out they were being lied too.

Of course, the social experiment was immediately used to call men sexist, while the women who answered the ad were let off the hook. You can view the original videos at the bottom of this post and judge for yourself.

Anyways, the writer in question had this to say in the Huffington Post:

A man doesn’t have to be attracted to a woman to respect her, yet that’s exactly what unfolds in the video. Just because a woman is fat doesn’t mean she isn’t sexy — and encountering a fat woman rather than a thin one does not relieve anyone from practicing human decency.

Simple Pickup conducted the same exact experiment with the roles reversed, using a male participant and female Tinder matches, and the results were shockingly different.

When the Tinder matches met the man who was made up to appear heavier in person, they were not nearly as blunt as their male counterparts. Although each one acknowledged he looked different from his photos, most were nice. Three were willing to continue the date or go out with him again, and one gave him a kiss.

First off, I watched both videos and neither the women or the men who answered the ads and were lied to seemed impressed.

Second, how many reactions were edited out or taken out of context?

Third, ‘Tinder has been criticised extensively for its “appearance based match-making process”, which many have labelled shallow, superficial and vain.’

If the criticism is to be believed, then is it any wonder when the people who use the site are sometimes superficial and vain?

Fourth, when you lie to people, they will likely be irritated. I’m not sure why people are surprised by that fact, or why some people immediately point to the men and cry ‘sexism!’ while ignoring or glossing over the similar reactions of the females who were also lied to.

In fact, isn’t that a form of…sexism?

Neither sex has to be happy about being lied to.

I’m also not sure what planet these people are from. I know you don’t have to be slim to be ‘sexy’. I know bigger guys and gals aren’t always viewed as being sexy.

However, some people find bigger people to be very sexy – sexier than slim people. There’s nothing wrong with that, and no one has the right to tell other people what they should or should not find attractive in a potential partner. I for one would find lying to be an unattractive trait, no matter the weight of the person in question.

Sure, I wish everyone just admired personalities and smarts, but that’s not freaking reality. There is usually a visual appearance component to a relationship.

I also love how the writer says, ‘encountering a fat woman rather than a thin one does not relieve anyone from practicing human decency’.

Is it considered ‘humanly decent’ to lie to people and then blame them for not enjoying the experience of being lied to?

Look, there is real sexism out there and it needs to be confronted and beaten. This isn’t one of them, and it’s cases like this one that make it harder for legitimate sexism to be exposed. We need to stop looking for erroneous reasons to cry sexism and expose real, legitimate cases to the light of day.

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13 Comments

  1. These studies all tend to ignore how biology influences reproduction. They also don’t take into account reasons why men and women use dating sites. Men are much more likely to be looking for a casual hookup, and women are looking for long term relationships. Both will bend the truth to meet those goals.
    It’s hard for me to say where “sexism” falls in all of that. 🙂

    • Having watched both videos, I don’t see a big difference in reactions. I’m not sure why the writer thought the guys deserved to be called sexist, while the women who had similar reactions to being lied to, were let off the hook. If anything is sexist, I think it’s the writers reaction, not the people in the video.

      • I agree with you. The article is somewhat ado about little for the sake of pandering to social justice norms. If feminists want to tackle an issue, Here are a couple of good places to start.
        [http://www.vice.com/vice-on-hbo-outtakes/the-fat-farms-of-mauritania] [http://www.irinnews.org/report/87928/mauritania-fatwa-alone-will-not-stop-fgm-c]
        Both are odious, criminal acts perpetrated on helpless women.

  2. “Social experiment” should really get some regulation for the term. People see the word “experiment” and think of a scientific study that controls for variables. So when they see this, they jump to the same conclusions as that HuffPo article. The problem with this is that the people doing the video didn’t control for other variables (like people who think visual sex appeal is more important than personality). I’m pretty sure those guys were using the dating site to hook up with women they found attractive. And if that’s the case, then yeah they’re going to be angry.

    You’re right on about this not being sexist. These guys are using a dating site for a particular purpose, and they were lied to. Sure, they may be shallow jerks, but that doesn’t make them sexist.

  3. Pingback: Breaking News: When You Lie To People, They May Get Irritated | TinderNews

  4. Pingback: Fat Suits and Dating Sites | A Culture of One

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