A Sub Sandwich Just Ain’t The Same Without Lettuce

Poor, poor mediocre sub

Poor, poor mediocre sub

My wife, bless her heart, (totally un-atheist thing to say…right?) went out today and bought me most of the fixings for an amazing sub.

I say ‘most’ because she forgot to pack the lettuce.

You can see the sad result in the picture I provided. Even now, hours after the event, I feel my eyes burning with unshed tears.

My dear, dear wife (in case she’s reading this, although she almost never does) had the best of intentions. She knew I was working the 12am-8am shift and she wanted her poor, hard-done-by husband to at least have a good meal.

It was close. I somehow managed to choke it down. The crunch was missing, but I persevered. I wasn’t going to let a mere sandwich defeat me with its un-lettuce-y…un-lettuce-y-ness. I powered through each bite as if it were my last meal…minus the best part, of course, which would have been the lettuce.

It now sits like a lump in my stomach – a reminder of its total lack of leafy goodness.

If you must, please pray for me.

Otherwise, let me continue to sulk in misery.

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15 Comments

  1. One of the worst things about having diverticular disease is not being able to digest lettuce. Add in there beef (steak!), dairy, soy, nuts, seeds, strawberries, man, it hurt to even write it. But I do miss lettuce and tomato on a sub sandwich.

    • Wow! That would be hard. My wife has Celiac disease so she can’t eat gluten. Sometimes it seems like she can’t eat anything because almost everything has gluten in it.

      I’ve never heard of diverticular disease. I’ll have to look it up.

      Thanks so much for the comment and for stopping by.

  2. I’ve never really understood this lettuce-y goodness thing that you speak of. I’m pretty sure lettuce, like grass, is something that food eats.
    As such, you’ll find that the 5 main food groups (cow, lamb, chicken, pork and kangaroo) have already absorbed your daily vegetable requirements. Just simply heat (if desired) and serve.
    I’m also a little concerned about your sub handling skills. From the photo, it appears you have nibbled, or gnawed on the offending sub. Generally, I try to recommend clamping on to the sub with the whole of your jaw, then ripping off a piece far bigger than you can chew. It’s all about showing the sub who’s boss.
    Anyway, I really do wish you all the best with your future dietary intake.
    Yours sincerely,
    Puffetic

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