The Atheist God

Having just been told that answering the question, “do you believe in God?” with the answer “no” is a doctrine and that atheism by itself is a religion, I figured I might as well create my own atheist religion. Hell, if I’m going to be accused of something and no amount of facts will change their mind, I might as well do it and justify their claim.

Here’s what I’ve been able to come up with…

Heaven and Hell

Having faith is the ultimate sin. God wants you to use the brain He gave you and those who believe in unsubstantiated claims will earn a one way ticket to Hell. God enjoys talking to those who display critical thinking skills, rational claims and logic, even if they came to the wrong conclusion as to His existence.

God does not want people in Heaven who misuse His name to be cruel to His creations. Those who spew bile about homosexuality or strap bombs to themselves in His name will be punished accordingly. Those who smugly claim that they’re going to Heaven and condemn others to Hell in His name will be in for a big surprise when they finally pass on.

Women are to be treated as equals to men. God does not believe in this ‘spiritual head of the family’ crap. God wants all of His children to seek Him out in their own ways.

God is particularly fond of science. He thinks that its mankind’s best chance of saving themselves before the Sun explodes or some other natural disaster wipes them out. He also thinks it shows humanity at its best. He enjoys their quest for answers even when those answers bring more questions. He enjoys the inquisitive mind.

Every once in a while, the great Deceiver escapes from his bonds and takes shape on Earth. His current incarnation is as a man named Pat Robertson.

AG wonders where humanity got the idea that Hell was a lake of fire. Obviously, they seem intent on making a monster of him. Hell is merely a place where books of every type can be found, especially science and sensitivity training books.

The inhabitants do wail and gnash their teeth, but AG still holds out hope that some of those poor souls can be saved. However, unless he is sure that an inhabitant of Hell can carry on an intelligent conversation without condemning others in ignorance or using circular logic, in Hell they will remain. God has no time for hate and incoherent thought.

God finds it funny that people call non-believers atheists when he himself is an atheist. How ironic is that?

The Prophets

In an attempt to steer humanity away from its present path into religious ignorance, God sent his only begotten son, Spock. For decades, Spock has spread the word of science and logic. He has also spread the saying: Live long and prosper.

He is disappointed that humanity ignored Spock’s reproof and in an attempt to help his only begotten son out without directly interfering, God sent his prophets – Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and Stephen Hawking.

Yet, despite his prophets best attempts (even with Hawking’s amazing intellect) they have been unable to fully turn humanity away from the disastrous course they have set themselves.

God also wonders why humanity seems so set on Him allowing his son to be nailed to a cross or some other ghastly torture. What kind of monster do they think He is?

No, AG (Atheist God) loves Spock and does not feel a need to sacrifice His son. When the time comes, AG feels equipped to forgive sins without the ritualistic sacrificing and scapegoating of his only begotten son.

That’s how AG rolls.

Atheist Gods Stance on Religions

Atheist God doesn’t mind religions that are more about questions than answers. He enjoys mankind’s attempts to get closer to Him. However, AG intensely dislikes religions that allow people to pretend they know what He wants. He’s tired of being misrepresented and made out to be an egotistical, megalomaniac that gets jealous at the drop of a hat.

Atheist God has watched while older religions have come and gone, but a vast portion of humanity seems incapable of learning from the past and believe that their relatively new religions are somehow truer than the older religions that preceded them.

Atheist God looks forward to the day that the new theistic religions go the way of the old. Maybe then humanity can throw off the chains that have held them down for centuries and realize their full potential.

Advertisements

8 Comments

  1. Hello again,

    I'm curious as to whether you know the story behind Leonard Nimoy and his incorporation of that hand sign and saying into his portrayal of Spock. It is an interesting story.

    I also find it curious that you seem to be expressing frustration that you would be told that a word that means “no-god-religion” means what the word declares. Since you apply this word to yourself, if the meaning of the word frustrates you, perhaps you will want to apply a different name to yourself.

    It also seems odd that you have a blog devoted to teaching Atheism and then infer that it is not a doctrine, i.e., teaching.

    I am guessing, though, that this is your expression of what you perceive to be humor in the matter. However, it is very hard to get a proper sense of such things from a satirical blog post.

    I am not surprised that you call Pat Roberson the great Deceiver. While I would not call him The Deceiver, he certainly does not rightly represent the one he claims to represent. What he preaches is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is a gospel of pseudo-morality and works-righteousness. But these terms may not mean much to you as most who call themselves Christians don't understand these distinctions, either. And of course, you are calling him a deceiver from an entirely different perspective.

    Anyway . . . ~ PAS

  2. Hi Not Alone,

    I was thinking the other day that the word 'atheist' is strange. Why do we have it? If I told you an invisible gnome lived in your garden and you didn't believe me, would you be a gnome atheist?

    Atheism is neither a doctrine or a religion. Although, both could be the foundation of either. For instance, I could go to a Unitarian Church, which would make me religious in a sense, but still without the God.

    And those terms do mean something to me. I'm glad you don't take what he says seriously. I actually used to be a Christian growing up but I no longer am. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Hello again!

    I know of no place where gnomes are counted as anything but fiction and part of fictional story telling, but I'm not well studied in this. Perhaps there were people in the British Isles or elsewhere who believed in such.

    Nevertheless, if you told me that an invisible gnome lived in my garden, I would laugh. But if you insisted, I would ask you more. I would ask how you know this.

    If you were truly serious, I would likely ponder that you could have encountered one of the fallen angels, also known as demons.

    Apparently you have never directly encountered one as far as you know. I have. Only once have I seen one that I knew of. On a couple of occasions I knew people who were oppressed by a demon or demons and were set free. These people were not fully possessed but only oppressed, but it was horrible for them until they were freed.

    Since these fallen spirits rarely manifest themselves visibly and do not always cause discernible trouble or other signs, I would not disbelieve you if you identified one as an invisible gnome. Neither would I invest much time in the matter unless you were troubled by it.

    I have known people who were terribly tormented by these ordinarily invisible creatures. Psychiatrists kept these people subdued with medication. Idiotic pretend Christians tortured them even more by telling them that they were possessed and needed a stronger faith. But the pure Gospel did comfort them and eventually the demons did leave.

    If you disbelieve this or explain it away, what can I say? I don't ordinarily speak of these things as they matter little. What does matter is the Gospel, the pure Gospel. A corrupted gospel is not the Gospel and only produces Pat Robertsons and Jerry Falwells and Billy Grahams and Joel Osteens and Joseph Smiths and Muhammads and endless others, even Leonard Nimoys.

    I could say much more, but that is probably better left for my own blog. I am not looking to argue anyone into believing the Gospel. It cannot be done. The Gospel is the power itself. To anyone who desires this, I will proclaim it freely and in love.

    Shalom, or as Nimoy weakly interpreted it, live long and proper.

  4. I appreciate your satire, even though we disagree on some basic truths. I grew up reading Mark Twain and still enjoy him. I'm not sure if he would have considered himself an Atheist or not, but he sure could satirize Christians and sometimes the God of the Bible. We Christians need to be mocked. It forces us to filter out the phony parts of our faith. The Old Testament prophets and even Jesus often used sarcasm.

  5. Psst….. I left you a reply.

    http://wp.me/p7ZMjs-z0

    Not sure if you got a notification. They’ve been hit and miss! I went private again just until after the holidays. I’m not big on massive public consumption, yanno? Too shy.

    Your honey bunny beat me to the pic of the giant mustache on your game night post. 🙂 I did something similar, but I’m not going to post it. I’d feel like I was copying. ;o)

    Miss emailing… ☺️

    Merry Christmas.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s