Having just been told that answering the question, “do you believe in God?” with the answer “no” is a doctrine and that atheism by itself is a religion, I figured I might as well create my own atheist religion. Hell, if I’m going to be accused of something and no amount of facts will change their mind, I might as well do it and justify their claim.
Here’s what I’ve been able to come up with…
Heaven and Hell
Having faith is the ultimate sin. God wants you to use the brain He gave you and those who believe in unsubstantiated claims will earn a one way ticket to Hell. God enjoys talking to those who display critical thinking skills, rational claims and logic, even if they came to the wrong conclusion as to His existence.
God does not want people in Heaven who misuse His name to be cruel to His creations. Those who spew bile about homosexuality or strap bombs to themselves in His name will be punished accordingly. Those who smugly claim that they’re going to Heaven and condemn others to Hell in His name will be in for a big surprise when they finally pass on.
Women are to be treated as equals to men. God does not believe in this ‘spiritual head of the family’ crap. God wants all of His children to seek Him out in their own ways.
God is particularly fond of science. He thinks that its mankind’s best chance of saving themselves before the Sun explodes or some other natural disaster wipes them out. He also thinks it shows humanity at its best. He enjoys their quest for answers even when those answers bring more questions. He enjoys the inquisitive mind.
Every once in a while, the great Deceiver escapes from his bonds and takes shape on Earth. His current incarnation is as a man named Pat Robertson.
AG wonders where humanity got the idea that Hell was a lake of fire. Obviously, they seem intent on making a monster of him. Hell is merely a place where books of every type can be found, especially science and sensitivity training books.
The inhabitants do wail and gnash their teeth, but AG still holds out hope that some of those poor souls can be saved. However, unless he is sure that an inhabitant of Hell can carry on an intelligent conversation without condemning others in ignorance or using circular logic, in Hell they will remain. God has no time for hate and incoherent thought.
God finds it funny that people call non-believers atheists when he himself is an atheist. How ironic is that?
In an attempt to steer humanity away from its present path into religious ignorance, God sent his only begotten son, Spock. For decades, Spock has spread the word of science and logic. He has also spread the saying: Live long and prosper.
He is disappointed that humanity ignored Spock’s reproof and in an attempt to help his only begotten son out without directly interfering, God sent his prophets – Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and Stephen Hawking.
Yet, despite his prophets best attempts (even with Hawking’s amazing intellect) they have been unable to fully turn humanity away from the disastrous course they have set themselves.
God also wonders why humanity seems so set on Him allowing his son to be nailed to a cross or some other ghastly torture. What kind of monster do they think He is?
No, AG (Atheist God) loves Spock and does not feel a need to sacrifice His son. When the time comes, AG feels equipped to forgive sins without the ritualistic sacrificing and scapegoating of his only begotten son.
That’s how AG rolls.
Atheist Gods Stance on Religions
Atheist God doesn’t mind religions that are more about questions than answers. He enjoys mankind’s attempts to get closer to Him. However, AG intensely dislikes religions that allow people to pretend they know what He wants. He’s tired of being misrepresented and made out to be an egotistical, megalomaniac that gets jealous at the drop of a hat.
Atheist God has watched while older religions have come and gone, but a vast portion of humanity seems incapable of learning from the past and believe that their relatively new religions are somehow truer than the older religions that preceded them.
Atheist God looks forward to the day that the new theistic religions go the way of the old. Maybe then humanity can throw off the chains that have held them down for centuries and realize their full potential.